Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
