And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
is it fun? or sober?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
