God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
