My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
MIDGETS
????
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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