Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
