I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
false alarm. still invincible.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
