I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
