Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
