I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
