im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
