the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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