NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think pants incapable of making pants work
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
