home. puking in laundry basket.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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