i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What drink are we having for lunch?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
