I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
