but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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