It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
