Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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