as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
