Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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