It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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