She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
