Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
