maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
