if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
