No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
