Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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