She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
