Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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