i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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