If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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