I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
