I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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