omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
zippers are such a cool invention
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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