I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
