just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
