you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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