i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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