What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
