I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
