My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
