i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
