So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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