i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
