Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
