Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
