He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
