She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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