Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
