dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
